Really Bad French Rap

I can't really explain why, but I've always thought that French rap was kind of ridiculous. Okay, there's definitely some ridiculous aspects of American rap, too, but there's something about rapping in the dignified and sophisticated French language that to me seems a little silly. A very good example of this can be found in the latest rap single from French basketball player-turned rapper Tony Parker, "Balance-Toi." Check out the You Tube clip (it was also recently featured on Bill Simmons "The Sports Guy"'s blog as something which would inevitably score high on his brilliant "Unintentional Comedy scale" as well as the full lyrics in French.

In fact, for today's French lesson, let's dissect the beginning lyrics from the song "Balance-Toi", which can be translated as "Swing Yourself" (as in dancing, I think). Translation provided myself and my wife, who I should point out has no idea what several of the slang phrases in the song actually mean. First, in French; what follows in parentheses is my English translation and any additional comments.

Tout doux, j’ai mon style (All soft I have my style.)
Le rap perce dans les chars (The rap pierces tanks.)
Ca va faire mal (This is going to hurt.)
Et j’avalle mon pure style (?And I swallow my pure style—not sure what this means.)
Le public me réclame (The public asks for me)
Et j’assume grave (and I assume seriously)
Lady…lady….lady…lady…Tony P! (apparently his rap name is either “Tony P” or “TP9” (9 referring to his basketball jersey number for the San Antonio Spurs) which I think is really ridiculous because for me the phrase “TP” conjures up images of toilet paper, as in “We seriously T.P.’ed our math teacher’s house last night!”)
Balance, balance, balance, balance-toi….etc etc
Est-ce que tue pense que t’es prête Baby (do you think that you are ready, baby ?)
Ça fait boum boum dans le club Baby (it goes « boom boom » in the club baby)
Oh oui bouge sur la 'zic lady (oh yeah, move to the music baby)
Tony P cool et smoove (I find it funny that the French are borrowing the word “smoove” for their rap songs) etc etc

Other notable lyrics include:
« laisse glisser quand c’est open bar » (let it slide when it’s open bar)
« Efface-toi de la piste si t’es pas prêt a faire bouger tes épaules » (Get out of the way if you’re not ready to move your shoulders)
And also of note, he refers to himself as “le nouveau Snoop-Dogg” (the new Snoop-Dogg) and “Texas Boy” (a reference to his playing for the San Antonio Spurs, I guess).

Pretty silly? I’m sure that if you were to perform a similar exercise with most American rap lyrics you’d get something just as inane. It’s too bad because I actually really like Tony Parker the basketball player. Maybe he should stick to that.